s learn to be experts at knot tying, from securing the vessel with a tight anchor hitch to securing the captain after he succumbs to madness and tries to eat his own hook hand. This Groupon is a mutinous bounty.
Choose from Three Options
$15 for one bronze-level, general-admission ticket to a Saturday-night party cruise (up to a $30 value)
$29 for two bronze-level, general-admission tickets to a Saturday-night party cruise (up to a $60 value)
$55 for four bronze-level, general-admission tickets to a Saturday-night party cruise (up to a $120 value)
Saturday Night Cruise
Live DJs. Dancing. Cocktails. Spectacular views of the Manhattan skyline. On Saturday nights, Saturday Night Cruiseâ€™s fleet of yachts and cruise ships ferry guests down the Hudson River for nautical "gr.pn/MbEdlzparties. As twilight falls and the skyline lights up, guests sip drinks on the deck, socialize with the breeze in their hair, or dance the night away below deck to hip-hop, dance and house music, and top-40 hits. Some parties may feature multiple decks and DJs or buffet dinners.
The Groupon Guide to: Living with a Secret
Rarely does a soul get off this planet without seeing or doing a truly terrible thing. Keep it to yourself with these helpful secret-concealing tips:
Talk loudly and constantly about everything except the hidden shame that gnaws at your insides like a thousand tiny, chittering bear traps.
Distract yourself with activities and spectacles, all the while never addressing the private nightmare that coils around your heart, ever tightening like a boa constrictor suffocating its prey.
Try meditation and yoga to silence the warped and twisted version of your own voice that howls behind your eardrums, begging, pleading at every moment to be released by the decency and dignity of confession.
Get a pet. Tell them everything. Make sure it is a pet that no one will think twice about if you keep it forever in a cage, like a bird or a gecko. You're trapped in this together now.
Consult a doctor about having your mouth sealed over with a cool American-flag stickerâ€”no one questions a patriot.